|Two cannibals were sitting in a bar having drinks and munching on a clown. One cannibal says to the other, Does this taste funny to you?||A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. He grabs the leash and starts swinging the dog round and round over his head. The bartender rushes over and asks the blind man, What are you doing? The blind man very calmly replies, Just looking around.||A termite walks into a bar and asks, Is the bar tender here?||A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender asks, What will you have? The baby seals replies, Anything but a Canadian Club.|
|An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"||A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box. She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that. The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".||I knew a blonde that was so stupid that....... when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home||I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."|
|A man runs into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Give me ten shots of your best whisky." The bartender sets up the ten glasses. The man starts drinking them as quickly as the bartender serves them. The bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?" "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I have." The bartender asks, "What do you have?" "Seventy cents."||A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." and the mushroom says - "Why not? I'm a fungi."||A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, "How many bars do you own, anyway?"||A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman?"|
|How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's whiteout on the screen
|What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
|How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
(I'll tell you tomorrow.)
|Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better
|A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink here named after you." The grasshopper says,"Really? You have a drink named Bob?"||Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."||So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Get outa here! We don't serve your type. This is a singles bar."||Two blondes walk into the bar....You'd think one of them would of seen it?|
|How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
"What's a light bulb?"
|What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A dope ring
|How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
Blow in her ear
|Why do blondes carry see-thru lunch boxes?
So they know if it's morning or afternoon
|A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here, you know." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."||A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. "Get that pig out of here!" yelled the bartender. "That's not a pig, stupid!" she replied, "That's a duck!" "I know!" said the bartender, "I was talking to the duck!"||A priest, a rabbi, a nun, George Bush, and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, what is this, some kind of a joke?"||A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.|
|Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde who had a bumper sticker that said, "ALL BLONDES AREN'T DUMB?" A: No one could read it because it was hung upside-down.||Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them.||A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told. While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. The hair dresser was very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard..."breath in...breath out...breath in...breath out..."!||Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror. "This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."|